If you are taking part in the dating scene you have probably met many who claim to be in the process of divorce/separation or declare that they have just recently separated. Agreeing to go out with them under the assumption that a satisfying relationship might develop is, in most likelihood, a wishful thinking, ending up in your being frustrated, angry at yourself, disillusioned and alone.
Why is it unwise to date those who have just separated or are “in the process”?
The reasons are many:
1. They are often angry and disillusioned about their failed relationship (and maybe even about “the other sex”). Not only they are not ready emotionally to have a new partner, but they might also project onto you all their anger and frustration.
2. They often feel the need to be with someone in order to alleviate their sense of failure and deal with their loneliness. There neediness might lead them to be with you not because of whom you are, but because they need someone to be with!
3. They often want to feel good about themselves and about their sexuality and would like to “experiment”. They might tend to “seduce” whoever is an easy prey.
4. It is easier for them to immediately date others rather than deal with their unfinished businesses. Therefore, they tend to jump into a “relationship” with whoever is inclined to be with them.
5. They haven’t had the time to work on their “unfinished business” of their recent separation. They therefore bring too many unsolved issues into their new “relationship”. Thinking that you can help them go with whatever they are dealing with is an illusion, driven by your own needs.
All in all, those who have just recently separated or are “in the process” are not available for a serious intimacy, even if they claim they are.
Why would you date someone who is unavailable?
Your own needs (for love and acceptance) and fears (of being alone) might drive you, nonetheless, to date such a person. You tell yourself – he/she is charming, intelligent, nice, caring, and all-loving.
* They might indeed be so;
* They might manipulate you to perceive them as such in order to “have someone to be with” while they struggle with their separation and grief;
* In order to have a partner you might convince yourself they are indeed so, believing that with your love and understanding you will be able to not only comfort them in these difficult times but also drag them into a serious relationship with you.
Don’t waste your time dating someone who is not really available!
Keep in mind that dating such people might be a waste of your time. In all likelihood a serious, long-lasting relationship will not materialize, only making you feel betrayed, angry, insecure, facing unfulfilled expectations and vain promises, and once again alone.
If you sincerely wish to find a person with whom to develop a satisfying intimacy, don’t let your fears and needs navigate you into the arms of someone who is “on the brinks of separation”. You better save yourself costly emotional upheavals as well as precious time in your search for a person who is available for a serious relationship.