Tag Archive for relationship

Single and Dating? Be Wary of People Who Are Recently Separated or “In the Process”

If you are taking part in the dating scene you have probably met many who claim to be in the process of divorce/separation or declare that they have just recently separated. Agreeing to go out with them under the assumption that a satisfying relationship might develop is, in most likelihood, a wishful thinking, ending up in your being frustrated, angry at yourself, disillusioned and alone.

Why is it unwise to date those who have just separated or are “in the process”?

The reasons are many:

1. They are often angry and disillusioned about their failed relationship (and maybe even about “the other sex”). Not only they are not ready emotionally to have a new partner, but they might also project onto you all their anger and frustration.

2. They often feel the need to be with someone in order to alleviate their sense of failure and deal with their loneliness. There neediness might lead them to be with you not because of whom you are, but because they need someone to be with!

3. They often want to feel good about themselves and about their sexuality and would like to “experiment”. They might tend to “seduce” whoever is an easy prey.

4. It is easier for them to immediately date others rather than deal with their unfinished businesses. Therefore, they tend to jump into a “relationship” with whoever is inclined to be with them.

5. They haven’t had the time to work on their “unfinished business” of their recent separation. They therefore bring too many unsolved issues into their new “relationship”. Thinking that you can help them go with whatever they are dealing with is an illusion, driven by your own needs.

All in all, those who have just recently separated or are “in the process” are not available for a serious intimacy, even if they claim they are.

Why would you date someone who is unavailable?

Your own needs (for love and acceptance) and fears (of being alone) might drive you, nonetheless, to date such a person. You tell yourself – he/she is charming, intelligent, nice, caring, and all-loving.

* They might indeed be so;

* They might manipulate you to perceive them as such in order to “have someone to be with” while they struggle with their separation and grief;

* In order to have a partner you might convince yourself they are indeed so, believing that with your love and understanding you will be able to not only comfort them in these difficult times but also drag them into a serious relationship with you.

Don’t waste your time dating someone who is not really available!

Keep in mind that dating such people might be a waste of your time. In all likelihood a serious, long-lasting relationship will not materialize, only making you feel betrayed, angry, insecure, facing unfulfilled expectations and vain promises, and once again alone.

If you sincerely wish to find a person with whom to develop a satisfying intimacy, don’t let your fears and needs navigate you into the arms of someone who is “on the brinks of separation”. You better save yourself costly emotional upheavals as well as precious time in your search for a person who is available for a serious relationship.

Category: Dating / Tags: , , ,

Does Sex Mean Relationship for Men? Read This Before You Jump

Have you wondered whether men equate sex and relationship? Do you hesitate before you sleep with a man too early and then do it anyway? Do you often find yourself regretting having slept with a man too soon? It is time to stop worrying! We have the information that will end the ceaseless pondering on this subject for you.

In days of old, it was unheard of to think of sex before marriage. Marriage first, then sex, not the other way around. These days, it is sad that sex and marriage are such undervalued commodities. Let the change start with you. Here are the facts:

1. If a man is investing in your relationship, then you are for the long term. If he calls you at odd hours and wants to meet right away, you are a booty call. Don’t be so available. You can’t, then, blame him.

2. Always, always delay having sex until you are certain he is the one. If casual sex is all you want, you must step back and take a good, close look at yourself and your values. You need to fill yourself up with love for yourself and feel valuable. There are very few women who can have casual sex and not get emotionally involved or who feel great after.

3. Men can have sex without having a relationship with you. Many times, once they sleep with you, they lose interest. Unless they are the real deal. So why hurt yourself in the bargain? Let him prove he is the real deal. Let him be as gallant as men of old. Then give him the prize! Do you give the prize before a race is won?

4. Be extremely selective. You need to know, as the woman, you have all the power. He will chase you, impress you, and try to win you over. The sex is the ultimate prize for all his hard work of courting you. Why give someone the reward too early? Time is your friend and keep delaying sex, until you feel that he’s genuine and truly cares about you.

In short, it is not what a man thinks about sex and relationship, but it is what you think that counts. Instead of spending so much time trying to get into his head, spend a little more time in your own head and figure out your own boundaries. Really, do you want to be someone’s brief pastime? You are way too precious for that!

Category: Dating / Tags: , ,